Sunday, April 12, 2009

What's Grosser than Gross?

Well, today I think I may have figured it out.

BTW, this story is sooooo nasty wrong, it's your own fault if you toss your Easter cookies after choosing to read this any further. Don't say I didn't warn you.

While the kids were napping this afternoon, I did some spot cleaning around the house and came upon what I mistook to be a half chewed jelly bean. It was on the floor beneath our dining room table, and seeing as today is Easter Sunday I thought nothing of it. Jelly beans are something I'd expect to see on the floor in our house today, especially with a toddler and a 4 yr old on the loose and amped up on pink and purple Peeps. So I pick this whitish squishy looking thing up with a tissue (thank God I didn't go the lazy bare handed route this time!!!) and I take a closer look. I notice that there is bright red fluid on parts of it, which I concluded was the outside coating of a mangled cherry flavored jelly bean. I figured that my 17 month old son had chewed it up and spit it out, as he does from time to time when experimenting with new foods. But after a few minutes of even closer scrutiny, I grew very suspicious about this disgusting little mystery blob. That's when the alarms began sounding in my head. There was no mistaking it, the red stuff definitely wasn't candy coating, it was BLOOD. And this weird blue fiber that was stuck to it (which I first thought was lint), it was actually string.  Almost immediately, I recognized where I'd noticed that string before, and that is when the horror set in. The was no jellly bean...

Earlier this week, I'd seen this string neatly stitched across the biopsy incision our vet had performed on a cherry sized tumor my dog has had growing on his lip, and that is what I was now holding in my hand. OMFG!!! Immediately, I began squealing and broke into my token hee-bee-jee-bee, hop up and down dance (which lasted for about 20 minutes). Once my husband arrived on the scene, we both began roaring with laughter and disbelief over the sheer grossness of the situation. Luckily, we were able to conclude that it had just happened, and that neither child had been in contact with the nasty little blob, so thank God for that...We still don't know how, or why "it" ended up on the floor, but the dog doesn't seem upset or bothered at all. 

Twenty minutes later, and my husband and I were still giggling like 8 year olds as we made up Bertie Bott's "Every Flavored Bean" names for their newest flavor... such as "mango melonoma" or "bloody berry" ahhh ha ha ha!!   We're sick. I know...hehe   

Bright side...guess we won't have to dish out any more money at the Vet for that surgery they were recommending. :P


  1. As I claim to be Clever and a Pup and my own dog is at the vet right now I think I'd better comment.

    Gross. I myself took tweezers and pulled a stitch that hadn't melted out of the my pup's spaying incision. (months later) Oddly satisfying.